I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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