I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
