We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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