i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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