Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
