Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
