i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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