my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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