I'm drive I can fine osifer
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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