You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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