maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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