Where did you get a picture of my penis
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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