Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
