Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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