I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize