i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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