listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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