the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
