All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
