i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
