FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize