If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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