She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
