i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
