So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
