Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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