Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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