i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
