why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
