Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize