How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
