Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
God, I missed his penis.
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