apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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