party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
