I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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