new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
