Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
