i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
