By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
