Me. At least after what I've been through.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
