It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize