I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
