if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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