Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
