porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
