Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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