Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
