i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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