remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
