Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I will die if light touches me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
