Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
