going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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