I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
