It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
