I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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