I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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