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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  You would...

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours. 

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.

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• (925): View more from California

  I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking

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