when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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