Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
