Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
