My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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