I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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