I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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