He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
