if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
