I just cut my nipple shaving
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize