Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
