this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
