even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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