For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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