My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
