it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
