So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
