What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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