New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
