i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize