I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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