I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
