i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
