My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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