So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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