my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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