i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
