ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
