ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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