You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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