True but thats because hes a fetus.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
