Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
