$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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