i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it hurts more in the daytime
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
