Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
