Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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